I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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