Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
