He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
