i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
