I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
