i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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