Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
