It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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