just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
