I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
