I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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