worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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