Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
