I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Farmville is her only friend.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
