she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
