Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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