guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
