All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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