Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize