This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
