My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
