JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
