our cab driver is having phone sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
