i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
