You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
