just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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