I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
