You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
