Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
