Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
