Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
