i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
