I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
