Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
