I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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