my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
