OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
