my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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