Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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