the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
