remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
