I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
