my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
