Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
