Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
