"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
