would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
