Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
