I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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