Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
