She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
