Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
