Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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