I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
