There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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