Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
