I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
