Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
