smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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