I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
