i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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