I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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