Christians are straight up FREAKS
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize